Does anyone remember Mad magazine, with those goofy pictures of Alfred E. Newman on the cover?
I used to wonder at his attitude. I mean, with all the stuff that needs controlling around this place, how can anyone not be completely consumed by fear, doubt, low self esteem, and that gnawing-at-the-pit-of-your-stomach worrying?
I used to worry about everything. Did my breath stink? Were my socks the same color? Did I still have both buttons attached to my button-down oxford shirt? Will the Cubs win the World Series?
Oddly enough, the one thing I almost never worried about was money. And it’s not like I’ve always had money. When my first wife and I were married back in 1973 (Crap, I”m old!), our combined salary was $11,000 a year and we were living in New York City. But with noodles and gravy, macaroni and tuna casserole, and a good amount of soy mixed into a little beef, we always had enough to go to a movie on a Friday night.
There were good times, and there were recessions, but there was always plenty to worry about. After all, I had people to fix, situations to change, and I had to make everything “better”.
Then, on September 7, 2001 I found Jesus Christ. The circumstances of that rebirth are indeed fodder for another blog, so I’m not going to digress that far on this one. But suffice it to say, that ever since then, a tiny immeasurable bit at a time, I was learning to trust more and worry less. I still spent years of my life trying to fix people, places and things, especially those closest to me, but it was ever so gradually getting better. It was so gradual at first that it was like watching the earth spin from your front porch…. but then when God realized how dense and self absorbed I can be, he started dropping railroad ties on my head to get my attention.
I was fired from the best job I ever had (for very good reasons which, again, are a story for another day), got kicked out of my house (the beginning of the end of my second marriage – and again part of that other story I’ll get around to one day), and shortly thereafter, while doing a good deed for a friend, I fell and shattered my thigh bone just below my hip. Oh yes.. and was out of work for nearly three years with no unemployment.
NOW He had my attention. My progress feels more measurable since then. I still threw away that second marriage, and as the result of that and some very foolish spending patterns on my part, I find myself in really steep credit card debt.
And I worried about that a lot for a couple of weeks. And then it became clear what I had to do. So I went and did it. So now between my debt consolidation payment, the money I pay my ex-wife(#2) to cover my part of the home equity loan (the part used to pay off more of my debt), I find myself at the end of each month with a substantial negative cash flow.
And you know what? I’m not consumed with worry over it. Somehow, when I was out of work for those few years, God always put something or someone in my path to help provide me with what I needed, and a humble enough spirit to accept whatever it was. Standing on my feet for $8 and hour making boxes for lamps, climbing 30 ft ladders all day and half the night in all kinds of weather to install satellite TV, throwing newspapers at 2:00 am every day… whatever. And I was fine! In fact, I was in the best shape I’d ever been in!
So now, seeing that negative cash flow, I went and got a secdond job at a major discount warehouse place part time. It pays well above minimum wage, and it’s a job I’ll enjoy. But there’s just one thing. They can’t print my official job offer paperwork until March.
So… What? Me Worry? I have learned that things happen in God’s time not mine. I know that if it’s His plan that I not get this job, he’ll show me something else. Maybe even something better. But in any case… there’s something he wants me to learn from the situation I’m in.
Oh, and have I mentioned that I’m about 130 lbs overweight? That’s right, there’s two of me in this fat old body of mine, and while my head (and the rest of my body for that matter) tell me I need to do something about it, somehow, there’s always a really compelling reason not to. And that too has God’s hand in it. No, I know he doesn’t want me to continue to desecrate His temple, but I also know that when it gets too painful being the way I am, I will change.
A really good friend of mine, Dave Fink, once told me: “God loves you just the way you are. And he loves you too much to let you stay that way” I’m living proof of that.
My point (in case it really did get lost in all this verbiage): While there’s never a shortage of things to worry and fret over, if you believe that Jesus will indeed take care of you as he has promised over and over in the bible, then there’s no reason to worry.
And since worry makes you feel like crap, and serenity makes you feel wonderful, I pick serenity! Thank you Jesus!
